Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
