If that was your dad, he is hot
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
