My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
