I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No more Irish car bombs ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
