STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
