The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she told me i tasted like america
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
