I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
