I just cut my nipple shaving
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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