shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
