yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
