whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
