I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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