I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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