I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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