dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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