I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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