sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
