All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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