i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
