wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
