I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
