remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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