Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
