: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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