i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
