loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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