Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
