Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
