If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
