I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
