I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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