It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
