Apparently you make a good broom.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
