You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
