i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am midnight drunk by noon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
