haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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