I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
