the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
