So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
