I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
