Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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