i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
