Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
