Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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