i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
