btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can I color on your dick again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
