I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
