Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
