you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
