How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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