Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
