He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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