Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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