My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
